Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
