There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
