I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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