I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
