I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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