Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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