she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dear god my vagina.
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