If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
