Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
