addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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