So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
