and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
