Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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