she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place