ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up