i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.