He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack