so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Your dad touched me again.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)