I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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