Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.