i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
