In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I touched a dick in church today
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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