So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
As shirtless as possible
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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