"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
