Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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