dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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