Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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