i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize