You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
