you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
