He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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