Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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