He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When are your genitals available?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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