We need to rekindle our bromance
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
