can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
