Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize