I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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