i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
