Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
