Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
