Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
