Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
