you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
