It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
