Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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