I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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