Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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