the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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