Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
