yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
sex in a hospital.. check
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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