Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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