I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
