You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
