she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
