Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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