He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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