Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
