I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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