why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
