Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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