i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
nutella sex= disaster
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
