She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're a waste of cheezeits
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
