you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
