I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
