I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
