You made me cry and you don't even care
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
