i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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