i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
