I am puke
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
