"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize