It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
