Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
